Picture it. An unknown plague has begun to take over the world, slowly turning everyone you trust into green monsters who want to kill you. No-one is safe. Your one option is to go into hiding somewhere the zombies haven't found yet . . . and as non-infected carry ons (can inanimate objects be carriers?) are almost impossible to find, your bag space is severely limited.
You can only take five books with you.
Before you ask, this isn't the standard 'Desert Island Disks' version. If you want the Complete Works of Shakespeare or The Bible, that's one of your five. And you may want to choose books that could double as weapons or other things, to help with the whole 'I don't want to turn into a zombie' situation.
These are the books I would take, and I've decided to be practical. Mostly.
Book 1 - The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
There are many advantages to bringing the fattest book you have (and yes, I have the entire anthology in one volume so in this case series = book) to help survive zombie attack. Firstly, there's a lot of reading material there, especially in this case because I haven't braved The Last Battle yet for fear of tears. Don't kill me, Narnia fans!
Also, just LOOK at the size of that thing. It's so huge that huge isn't even a big enough word; although I hate to get blood on my books, I am more than certain that a blow from that could kill just about anything, let alone destroy the brains of a zombie.
Book 2 - The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness
I must admit that I haven't read this book yet. I might hate it, but I will risk this because I feel like I would appreciate something original among all the re-reads, and also because I have heard nothing but awesomeness about Patrick Ness. There's diversity, too, apparently. So woo-hoo!
If you want to talk practically, then I'll have to do my best to be sensible. Forgive me if I'm sceptical. Basically, there's a lovely dust jacket that would keep zombie guts off it as I slay them mercilessly. I've heard a rumour that the edition I have - although I might have muddled up with the US one - glows in the dark. So it's sort of a torch . . . right?
Book 3 - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
I need to force myself to read this book.
As far as I see it, reading material on islands is limited. If I only take five books, then I'll end up struggling through the first few chapters at some point, and after that I'm fairly sure I'm going to like it. Most of the books I've chosen would make good candidates because they'll take a while to read, and this is no exception: on a remote island, or cutting myself off from the rest of civilisation so I don't get bitten, I'll finally have enough time to devote to decoding the fancy Elizabethan prose.
Book 4 - Dolphin Song by Lauren St. John
Aside from the White Giraffe series being utterly brilliant and a true comfort read for me, this, the second book in the series, involves being stranded on an island with people you hate. If people you hate could also be thought of as zombies, I basically have a how-to guide hidden in a story that I like to read. Win.
The only problem is that my planned escape island is likely to be in the frankly freezing English Channel. I don't think there's any coconut palms there.
Book 5 - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J.K. Rowling
It is absolutely impossible for a Potterhead as obsessed as I to be isolated without at least one fix. This, my illustrated edition of Philosopher's Stone, is by far the prettiest of all I own, and it's my baby. You generally take your baby with you if zombies are overrunning earth.
You can probably tell from the picture, too, that this book is very large and very heavy. It's a little unwieldy for fighting the undead (that's what I have the other two hardbacks for) but I'm confident this has many other uses: I could stand on it to reach edible vegetation or employ its vast weight for juicing and maybe even levelling the earth.
But then again, it might not be that useful because I absolutely refuse to damage my baby. If there's a way I can level ground without getting it muddy, then let me know.
So now you know I'm heading straight for a cold, unwelcoming island in the event of a zombie apocolypse. As long as you're not infected, would you like to come round for cake?
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In the comments: This isn't exactly a tag, because I know there are a lot of similar book-island related posts out there, but what would you take? Where would you go? And how would you survive?
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